Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Another Year Gone

I started this post last winter. Now that it's been a year since my last update, I feel compelled to finish it.

January 2010

My aunt called to tell me that my uncle had been to my mom's house to deliver her Sunday dinner and had found her on the floor. He helped her up and into her bedroom to get dressed. When he found her lying half in and half out of her half bath, she didn't have any pants on. He heard a crash and went into the bedroom where he found her on the floor again. He helped her up again and got her into the kitchen where he sat her down at the table and left her to eat her dinner. He then went home and called my aunt who called me. I don't know why he didn't stay with her, call me from her house, or call 911.

I called my mom's helper, Diane, and asked if she could go to the house to assess the situation. I told her she would probably need to call an ambulance. When she got there she found my mom on the floor again, this time under the table. She called 911 and then called me.

I started looking for flights for the next day and booked one that would have me at the hospital by mid-afternoon. I kept in touch with Diane and with my aunt and uncle as they took my mom to the emergency room.

I knew the time had come. Over a year ago my mom's doctor and I were contemplating moving her into the nursing home, but neither of us were quite ready. Mom was at risk but still adamant about not changing her living situation. Diane was going in several times a week to help her, and we thought it was worth the risk to let her continue living independently. I decided that the next time she had a crisis - and I believed that it was inevitable that she would have one - she would go into the nursing home.

By the time I got to the hospital my mom was still weak and more confused than usual, but she was on her way to fully recovering. I called her doctor and talked about what had happened. He agreed that it was time for her to move into Sunnyside Care Center, the closest skilled nursing facility to her home. In fact, he suggested that she was overdue for the move, and in some small way that made me feel better.

November 2010

Mom has been at Sunnyside for almost a year. She has a made an amazing transition to living there. I had expected a fight, but she quickly got used to a life with regular meals and activities and people around her all the time. She had been living in near isolation for a long time because of her inability to drive, her location in a rural area, and the dementia. She's very much a social creature and enjoys being with people.

Mom is in a dementia unit, and most of the residents are further along in the illness than she is. She sometimes gets impatient or angry at them and is not able to believe that the other residents do strange or inappropriate things because they are ill. There is a man who likes to lie down on one of the sofas, and Mom will get on his case if he puts his shoes on the couch. There is another resident who will sometimes go in her room and lie down on her bed. With him she is a bit more patient because she perceives him as a child, even though he is in his 60s.

She has become very mild, except for the occasional angry outburst directed at other residents and is very sweet with me, which is such a relief after the period she went through when she was always angry at me. She says she wants to move to my town. Although she is still a stranger in many ways, at least she is a sweet, somewhat pliable stranger. She tells me she loves me and sometimes cries because she misses me.

It's a different world yet again.