Fortunately after about two weeks she relented and asked Diane to go to her home. However, she insisted that she didn't need her more than two days a week. When I would remind her that she had agreed in the doctor's office to have Diane every day and every evening during the week, she would become very angry. Here's how it normally goes:
Me: Mom, when we went to see the doctor he was very concerned about your being all alone in your house. He wanted you to have Diane in during the day and the evening.
Mom: He can't tell me what to do. I'm independent. I've been independent all of my life. I'll get another doctor.
Me: Another doctor will tell you the same thing.
Mom: How will he know?
Me: Your records go with you, and your doctor has been writing everything down. You know, if you don't do what you agreed to do, the doctor may put you in the nursing home.
Mom: He can't do that. I'm not going in the nursing home. I'll call the police and tell them what he's trying to do.
Every time I talk to her she tells me she's doing great and that she hasn't fallen again. Last week she told me that she's doing so well that she doesn't need Diane more than one day a week. If she actually follows through, I'll have to go out to see her and assess the situation. I really don't want to force her into the nursing home, but she only becomes more dangerous to herself as time goes on.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Another Year Gone
It's been a year since I last posted. In that time I resolved to have my mother go into the nursing home and then changed my mind. And changed it again. And again. So many times I went back and forth on the issue and never felt completely good about either decision.
I haven't been to see her since December. That was the deadline I had set for her to make a decision either to move to my town or go into the nursing home. I was pretty sure she wouldn't move to my town, so I had talked to her doctor about how we could get her into the nursing home. The plan was to take her in to see him, and he would tell her she had to go to the hospital for testing. After completing testing at the hospital she would be transferred to the nursing home for "rehabilitation."
But when I started thinking about the fight she might put up and how miserable she would be in the nursing home, I wasn't able to do it. I was also concerned that my uncle might remove her if she asked him.
At this time she also was getting regular help at home. Last August I finally found someone to go in and help her. Diane is a young woman who has some home health care experience and lives in the same town as my mom. At the time I hired her I had her go in Monday through Friday because my mom had a problem with her foot and needed encouragement to walk on it.
Before I traveled to my mom's in December I talked to her doctor about the situation. He believed that with the proper support she could live at home a while longer. He wanted her to have Diane for additional time every day - at least two hours during the day and two hours every evening. He also wanted her to get Lifeline and diabetic shoes so that she would be more stable on her feet.
When I took my mom to see the doctor she agreed to everything. She even agreed to pay Diane for the evening hours. At this time I was paying Diane out of my mom's trust because I thought it was temporary and that my mom would be going into the nursing home. Since we decided to delay her going into the nursing home, I needed to have her start paying Diane so that I could conserve the funds in the trust. The first step was to have her pay the evening hours, and later I would have her pay for all Diane's hours. (Of course my mom didn't know I was paying Diane out of the trust. Diane told her she was working for an agency and that there wasn't any charge to her. )
The trouble began almost the moment we walked out of the doctor's office. She began to rail against him saying that he couldn't tell her what to do, he wasn't the boss of her, that she would get another doctor.
Do I even need to say that she refused to have Diane for the evenings? She insisted that she didn't need her and that Diane wouldn't have enough to do.
Flash forward to February 2009. At this time I wanted to have my mom start paying Diane. I had the idea that Diane could tell her that the agency she worked for only offered the services free for six months. Now that six months were up, my mom would have to pay. I knew that having my mom pay would be problematic even though she had become very comfortable with Diane and was relying on her to do many everyday things, like sorting through her mail (which tends to pile up and up because she doesn't know what to do with it) and helping her pay bills.
At first my mom seemed to accept that she would have to pay Diane. But within two weeks she decided she didn't need Diane every day and would reduce her time to twice a week. After a couple more weeks she got very angry about having to pay her and ordered her to stop going to her house.
To be continued.
I haven't been to see her since December. That was the deadline I had set for her to make a decision either to move to my town or go into the nursing home. I was pretty sure she wouldn't move to my town, so I had talked to her doctor about how we could get her into the nursing home. The plan was to take her in to see him, and he would tell her she had to go to the hospital for testing. After completing testing at the hospital she would be transferred to the nursing home for "rehabilitation."
But when I started thinking about the fight she might put up and how miserable she would be in the nursing home, I wasn't able to do it. I was also concerned that my uncle might remove her if she asked him.
At this time she also was getting regular help at home. Last August I finally found someone to go in and help her. Diane is a young woman who has some home health care experience and lives in the same town as my mom. At the time I hired her I had her go in Monday through Friday because my mom had a problem with her foot and needed encouragement to walk on it.
Before I traveled to my mom's in December I talked to her doctor about the situation. He believed that with the proper support she could live at home a while longer. He wanted her to have Diane for additional time every day - at least two hours during the day and two hours every evening. He also wanted her to get Lifeline and diabetic shoes so that she would be more stable on her feet.
When I took my mom to see the doctor she agreed to everything. She even agreed to pay Diane for the evening hours. At this time I was paying Diane out of my mom's trust because I thought it was temporary and that my mom would be going into the nursing home. Since we decided to delay her going into the nursing home, I needed to have her start paying Diane so that I could conserve the funds in the trust. The first step was to have her pay the evening hours, and later I would have her pay for all Diane's hours. (Of course my mom didn't know I was paying Diane out of the trust. Diane told her she was working for an agency and that there wasn't any charge to her. )
The trouble began almost the moment we walked out of the doctor's office. She began to rail against him saying that he couldn't tell her what to do, he wasn't the boss of her, that she would get another doctor.
Do I even need to say that she refused to have Diane for the evenings? She insisted that she didn't need her and that Diane wouldn't have enough to do.
Flash forward to February 2009. At this time I wanted to have my mom start paying Diane. I had the idea that Diane could tell her that the agency she worked for only offered the services free for six months. Now that six months were up, my mom would have to pay. I knew that having my mom pay would be problematic even though she had become very comfortable with Diane and was relying on her to do many everyday things, like sorting through her mail (which tends to pile up and up because she doesn't know what to do with it) and helping her pay bills.
At first my mom seemed to accept that she would have to pay Diane. But within two weeks she decided she didn't need Diane every day and would reduce her time to twice a week. After a couple more weeks she got very angry about having to pay her and ordered her to stop going to her house.
To be continued.
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