Moving Forward

After many days of feeling quite distressed and undecided over what to do next, I think I've finally come to terms somewhat with the reality of the situation.

No matter how much I may wish to undo my decisions of last fall and winter regarding her finances and postpone it until she was in worse shape, I can't change the past.

Neither can I continually strive to earn love from a demented mother who at even the best of times gave her love conditionally.

When she is angry she is like a stranger to me. But she is a stranger for whom I have complete responsibility.

In order to move forward I have decided to create a trust with the funds that are under my control, which are about half of her assets. And the rest, which she has in her local bank, I will leave alone for now, even though it means putting them at risk.

I'm tired of trying to stay one step ahead of my mom when it comes to managing her finances. Money is important to her future, but I can't continue to spend so much time and energy focusing on it. It makes me feel like I'm always scheming, and I felt a desperate need to find some peace around this issue.

Moving forward now means looking for someone to help my mother with her housework and shopping. I need to find a kind and trustworthy person who can assist my mother and also keep me informed about how she is doing.

I feel good about my decision and hope I'm not taking too big a risk.